Survivor's Remorse

To think a pandemic would change my life for the better or worse is still in question.

As the COVID-19 outbreak shoots through the United States' capitalistic routine, the busy streets across the country break into dead silence.

Small business shops turn their locking key, and the shop owners hammer wooden strands across their decorated glass windows. Libraries slowly close their doors to the public, leaving the homeless to fend for morning shelter elsewhere.

All retail stores under the "non-essential" economic umbrella switch to online platforms, spicing the marketing language on anything sellable to fuel the vulnerable to spend.

The government discusses, enact, and initiate economic forms of relief for the privileged across the country.

Only families with citizenship under certain tax brackets receive the famous pre-recession prep stimulus check.

The COVID-19 pandemic is the modern eye-opening life moments, the global health-crisis has shined a light on the systematic drive of western culture.

Small business release an outcry, working-class immigrants risk their lives, and the unemployed wait in a line for the promised economic relief.

Luckily, I was able to maintain a stable 8 to 5 work routine throughout the #StayAtHome order.

But, it was and is still hard to not feel survivor's remorse.

I question: "Why can I keep my job but others have to lose theirs? especially individuals with families?"

I came to the conclusion that I had to grieve this feeling to understand the root of the guilty thought.

I grieved-- blamed, cried, and punished myself.

All because I had a job and was able to maintain financial stability while others couldn't.

After the condensed and dreadful days of grieving, I came to the (slight) conclusion that I shouldn't blame myself for the outcome of every individual's career loss.

It's a deeper-rooted issue, the inability of the US to work outside its structured capitalistic society, racist, misogynist, and ableist demands.

"Be Above It" they say, but we can't if we are oppressed and aren't given the space or voice to rise.


Popular Posts